So I got weighed today at the doctors office. Ive gained 22lbs since September of last yr. Definitely not the highlight of my day. Definitely did not want to have to come to that sad realization that I actually WAS going somewhere with my weight loss but I gave up on it because I wasnt rail thin within a few months, like I used to do in the past.
Now that Ive gained 22 additional pounds I realize that its actually me thats the problem, not the weight. Obviously theres a slew of things going on inside of me mentally, and emotionally... but moreso motivationally.... Im trying to pinpoint what it is exactly that causes me to give up when things are going so well. It seems to be a theme in my life.
So where do I start? I mean... start as in find myself internally and pinpoint that weak spot that causes me to give up on me? How do I change it? I found that weak spot, today, working out. I looked at the timer, 46 minutes left and I became instantly fatigued... yes, thats right 11 minutes into the workout I was ready to throw in the towel. No reason. I felt fine when I started but suddenly the energy zapped out of me and there I was going through the motions, not really in the moment, enjoying my workout like Tony Horton intended me to.
Maybe it was the trip to California(I left this last weekend to pay respects to my dying grandfather)? Or the intensive therapy(yes, Im crazy, and Im damn good at it!!) session I had today.... maybe its just me....
Now for the eating habit changes.....
As of now I eat about 3349504850943854095843 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a day. Ok, more like three... but still..... Its alot of carbs and sugar. I got to change that habit really quickly. I just dont know what else to eat. I have no imagination when it comes to food. If its not premade Im usually too lazy to touch it. Definitely need to change that habit, too. I did buy a huge salmon filet and plan on grilling it tomorrow sometimes and eat that for a few lunches with a light salad and some tortilla chips and fresh avocados.
Well, thats it for now. Ive come to the conclusion that this blog will no longer be about my p90x journey, but my emotional and mental one as well. I find that they are working together. I WILL find myself under this flab. The flab of the mind and body. I want to be free.
When I come back to this blog I hope to bring something a tad more interesting. Specifically for you, ang, since you were brave enough to publicly follow me ;)
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