Today was rather interesting for me. I managed to exercise late in the evening, which is usually not my thing. I ate apples and cottage cheese, some oatmeal an egg... and my dinner(salmon, a baked potato, corn on the cob and half an avocado), oh and a chocolate Popsicle, today. So I think I ate pretty well. Obviously the very large angry fat boy in me is still hungry and throwing a tantrum.... but I'm fighting it. I figure I only have a hour left before bed time.
Today Ive been thinking about my eating, more. I obviously have mental issues, or I wouldn't be in so much therapy.... one of my issues is borderline personality disorder, or BPD. I was reading in my current book "I hate you don't leave me" that borderlines tend to eat in excess in accordance with deep emotions they cant express.
How do I distinguish the eating between hunger and emotion eating? Where do I find the little hungry fat boy... the one that doesnt really want food, but wants something deeper. a connection, some attention, some affection.... Or am I thinking about this too much? Am I utterly crazy that now Im trying to dig deep inside of myself to find a starving little fat boy who cant express himself?
Today I also realized, with the help of a good friend, Liz, that I only see in black and white. I can either eat too much, or like today, hardly eat. I don't know how to eat in between. Much like my life. I dont know the gray within the black and white.
So I guess I start this with food, tomorrow. Ill use a calorie calculator to match the healthy balance of calories for my size and nutritional needs. I will connect my mind and body together. I know I will.
No comments:
Post a Comment